An Unfriendly Reminder

I received the annual reminder from OSAP today of how much my student loan has climbed, along with an estimate of what my monthly payments will look like once the time comes to repay.

Damn.

I had better get a good job after university or I'll be moving back in with my parents!

Construction at Nip U

Sometimes I wish I were a first year so I'd have never known about the hallway leading from the cafeteria to the H-Wing. I miss it.

Passionate of being passionate? (Self-analysis warning!)

*A warning, this entry contains elements of self-analysis (meaning it may be very boring if you're not me)

I have a slight problem. I've been questioning some issues I'm having and trying to determine what's wrong here.

The best way I can explain it is by comparing myself with the Duke Orsino from Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. In it he is obsessed with Olivia, a Countess. He seemingly ignores his responsibilities and duties of his title for this woman (no, my dilemma I face is not over someone else) See, it turns out he was in love with the idea of love.

I like to think I'm passionate over school but lately it's not enough. I'm currently studying the Victorian novels in my British Literature lecture, a subject I should be thrilled about focusing on! Am I? Not so much. The lectures are interesting, my professor is extremely knowledgeable and gives insights that make the novels more intriguing.

But I'm not feeling it like I want to.

Am I passionate about being passionate? Is that a problem? I know I love the Victorians (I'm a nerd like that) but what happens when you're not enjoying something you love? Sure, life complications outside of school have been more distracting lately, but I always thought I could fall back on what I really enjoy to cheer me up.

These seem like harmless questions on the surface but when I start to dig deeper in this self-analysis I wondering if I even should be in school at the moment. I don't want to go to lectures for a good grade, I want to go to be passionate about literature. If I'm not at the moment should I take a year off, or will this pass?

Shakespeare lectures, however, are AMAZING. But one three credit course can't be the tie-breaker in an important decision. I was thinking of repeating second year. Can you repeat a course even if you already have the credit? I know it's not the greatest way to spend money but if it helps to become passionate again it might be worth it.

A Couple

When I was a kid and I first discovered that "a couple" meant two, I disagreed. I agreed "a few" equals to three, a single object was one, but "a couple" wasn't two.

It still bothers me. In my head "a couple" is four. Two groups of two. That's a couple. I know, it doesn't work in the sense that when two people get together they're referred to as a couple, two people. I've heard the arguments and I still don't agree.

I also disagreed with the way my grade one teacher spelt "apple" one time and we fought over it until she realized that she was actually wrong! Maybe that screwed me up, the fact that it's proof that when I think I'm right, I usually am. I'm usually not by the way, but at this age I thought I was quite often. This was around the time that I learnt "a couple" was referred to as two, so I was probably in that mindset and haven't been able to shrug the stubbornness of the topic off.

If it gives me credit, I agree that it's universally accepted that "a couple" equals two, I just don't agree.

Diseased

Somebody infected me recently. I don't know who. It could have been the faceless cough in my Shakespeare lecture. It could have been someone sniffling for an hour in the OSAP line. It could very well have been a professor. Either way, I'm not impressed.

I'm feeling much better now though. I woke up this morning with a horrible headache and a sore throat which led to a hacking cough. I thought I was going to cough up a lung! Either way, I wasn't going to miss lecture today. I figured I could suppress the cough for an hour.

The thing is, when you don't want to cough, it's all you think about. You don't want to be that person who is hacking for the entire lecture. I refuse to be that person. So, when the tickle in the back of my throat urged a cough, I thought I'd let a small one out, unnoticed. It worked. But that cough only allowed for another tickle to arise much fast. I wasn't going to let it out. I held my breath and swallowed.

When you cough, you exhale. I had held my breath for a bit over a minute before the urge became too powerful to ignore and before I could stop it I coughed. Well, it was like a cough. I had to breathe in the same time I coughed so what came out, not only hurt but made a pretty disgusting sound. It was sort of like letting a large breath out underwater.

So this is my open apology to my fellow students in my lecture. I know only a few people around me heard it and politely ignored it, but I apologize for being "that person"

67/228 - Evelyn Waugh 'A Handful of Dust'

The Last Day Of Winter Break

Guess where I am! That's right, sitting in my bedroom in my new apartment which doesn't include the parentals.

Okay, I'm done with the move blogging now, I'm sure the lead to it would have been more exciting if you were ... me. I'd put up picture but I won't post picture of where I live on a site which anyone can view.

Onto something new. I've been getting a lot of questions of what my New Year's Resolutions are for this year and I can't really answer them. When I was younger I was taught not to do it since resolutions at the new year are most likey doomed to fail and that's been my perspective ever since. Instead, I was taught to pick a random day (eg. Sept 27th) to kick a bad habit. As for trying to accomplish a goal I was always told to "smarten up" since I should be doing that all year.

If I ever have children, I think I'll encourage a resolution from them at the beginning of every year, even though I'll be the hypocrite and not do it myself. Yes, resolutions on the new year are doomed to fail if only because they are made out of a random urge to better oneself on a whim of the cateloged date and not given much sincerity after the weeks have passed, but it's good to at least try and commit "some" effort to bettering yourself before the urge has passed.

Damn, now I have to think of a title for this blog.

22/228 - Evelyn Waugh 'A Handful of Dust'